Easily influenced; yielding to others; compliant:
The two meanings of ‘Pliancy’ got me thinking as I painted about how they have been present in life.
I used to be very much a people pleaser, seeking love & reassurance by moulding myself around the expectations of others. Often compromising my own needs & desires to what I thought someone wanted me to be. I put my feelings aside, adapting to be accepted.
The result over years of appallingly bad relationships to the point of accepting abuse as the norm were factors which impacted massively on my wellbeing. So being pliant was most definitely a negative, destroying my self worth & confidence. Over the years & conversations with many women it became clear that so many of us seem to do this. To put ourselves last & accept things we really shouldn’t as the way things are. For me , it was learnt behaviour, having watched a Mother being a martyr in a horrific domestic situation. Keeping quiet, creating the illusion to the world that everything was fine & dandy.
As the years went by (particularly when I gave birth to my son, alone & unsupported) I gained a strength I had previously not possessed. I began to see clearly why being influenced by others was not good for me & the experience of motherhood had me change in huge ways.
My determination to create an amazing life for my child had me stand up & take charge of my life, to find a new strength & realise that all that mattered was the needs of my little one, which also meant my own needs.
So being compliant went out of the window & I changed the meaning of Pliancy in my life. I needed to be flexible to create a life for the two of us. I found that being able to adapt & bend to the winds of change was how to survive. Having taken my passion for art as a career, I found that being adaptable & quickly responding to what was happening in the world gave me a new strength. An ability to do things the way I wanted to.
As the years went by, I saw so clearly how harmful my previous adaptability had been. How it destroyed my mind & body. More & more I was determined to do what is right for me & my child & just not be bothered what others may think.
These days my bending, adapting & being flexible is all able how I tackle life, work & family but it does most definitely not include anything which compromises who I am.
I’m still generous & considerate but I always check in mentality my motives to do something before I act. I make sure I’m not compromising my values or doing something which is trying to please from a place of insecurity.
I am who & what I am & basically, the people I keep in my life accept me just like that, faults and all.
My message to all women, is that we have one life, one opportunity to make the most of it & be fulfilled & happy. If we live in a prison of moulding ourselves to others that life becomes a trap. We should never put up with being manipulated, never accept any form of abuse. We need to know that what we want for ourselves & our wellbeing is key & not change to have someone else accept us.
For so many women (especially those from my cultural background) we are taught from a young age to behave in certain ways & believe that we must be what others want us to be. Those
Experience the beauty and serenity of a meadow with this stunning Pliancy painting. This piece features delicate summer grasses and seedheads in warm shades of golds against a dark teal background. Perfect for adding a cozy, welcoming touch to smaller spaces, this painting will provide you with an ideal way to experience nature's beauty in the comfort of your own home.
patterns have to be broken if we & following generations of women are to live happy lives.
Be you, be what you want to be. Walk forward in life empowered to do what is right for you. It’s not selfishness, it’s well-being, it’s grasping all that is good in life. Have courage, let other women support you & live a full life.